All
of us have programs about relationships.
For some, it may be that you
feel you can't trust anyone.
For others it may involve what
your partner should or should
not do. These little devils
are pervasive and can effect
every relationship you are in
both romantically and unromantically.
How
can we let go of these programs
and begin to have better relationships
instantly? Here are five quotes
from Lester Levenson on the
subject of relationships, along
with a few simple, yet powerful
exercises that will instantly
improve any relationship:
1)
"Real love has no element
of needing the other one,
or possessing the other one.
Real love wants only to make
the other one happy. There
is no caging in of the other
one when one loves. Love is
a freeing of the other one."
~
Lester Levenson
Comment:
Love also means taking people
as they are, and is experienced
within as an attitude
of givingness.
Exercise:
Examine your relationships.
Are you giving love or are you
too busy wanting to be loved?
If you are wanting to be loved,
could you begin letting that
go and practice loving instead?
This is the first step towards
having more loving relationships.
"It is only by loving that
love comes to us." ~ Lester
Levenson
2)
"Increase your selfless
love for them until it is
Divine Love."
Comment:
Human love="What's in it
for me?" Divine Love="What
can I give?"
Exercise:
Look for the "deals"
you make with others. Are you
doing something nice for people
in the hopes that they will
give something back to you such
as approval or a favor? If so,
that is not love, it is a deal.
Practice giving with no strings
attached. Giving in this way
turns human "love"
into "Divine Love."
3)
"If you are a parent,
the greatest help you can
give your child is to help
yourself to a higher state
of loving. Then you automatically
do what is best for the child.
Following rules from books
will not be very effective."
Comment:
This applies to everyone, not
just children. The only way
we can truly help others is
to elevate our own consciousness
-- to become more loving and
giving. People learn more from
us from our actions than from
our words. An attitude of unconditional
love will always guide our actions
correctly. Love is not just
some naive, simple-minded concept.
It is the silent, all-pervasive,
intelligence that supports all
of creation. When we are quiet
inside, instead of emotionally
reactive, we are automatically
in touch with this natural harmony
and intelligence, and our actions
become 100% positive and beneficial
to others.
Exercise:
Look for where you are withholding
your love from yourself and
others. Just become aware of
it. Often, just by becoming
aware of it, it will begin to
dissolve on its own. Or, better
yet, use the Release Technique
to discover the "root"
non-love feelings, and knock
them out until you have only
love feelings for yourself and
others.
4)
"The greatest happiness
we can give to a mate comes
from helping him or her to
have more understanding of
Truth."
Comment:
"If you give a man a fish,
he'll eat for a day. If you
teach a man how to fish, he'll
eat for a lifetime." The
same principle applies to happiness.
Giving someone gifts or temporary
ego approval might boost their
spirits for a short while, but
does little to help them in
the long term.
Exercises:
In what ways can you work with
your mate and other loved ones
to foster love, freedom and
abundance?
1.
We can practice becoming more
aware of our reactions towards
one another. When we see a reaction,
we can practice "witnessing"
it instead of being pulled into
the emotions of the conflict.
Remember, we are not our feelings!
Don't let the mind trick you
into identifying with it.
2.
Use Releasing (the Release Technique)
to disengage from mindless reactivity
and from the automatic process
of misidentifying with
the mind, body and feelings
-- and instead, "be your
beingness" which is unlimited
joy and freedom. As you take
yourself off "autopilot"
your behaviors will become more
conscious and loving, and relationship
problems will begin to dissolve
automatically.
3.
Introduce your loved ones to
Releasing and work with them
to become more conscious of
the reactive patterns you have
towards one another -- and make
an agreement to release those
patterns together. When the
other person reacts, simply
remain open, loving and present
with them, instead of habitually
reacting to them. Let your response
come from your "inner quiet"
instead of from the "robot"
mind that reacts as soon as
they push your buttons.
4.
If they are "pushing your
buttons" see it as them
doing you a huge favor. They
are helping you see your reactivity
and let it go, so you will become
freer and happier. Use the Release
Technique to help you. When
you feel a non-love emotional
reaction kick in, either witness
it calmly without reacting or
use the Method to let it go.
If your partner is not interested
or not willing to join you in
becoming more conscious and
loving in your interactions,
that is okay. It only takes
one to improve the relationship.
When you shift to a more loving
state within you, they must
also shift in their relationship
with you. As the saying goes,
"It takes two to tango."
You can't have an argument with
only one person. And, as everyone
is looking for love, when they
feel it coming from you, they
will come your way.
5)
"When one really loves,
one can never be hurt."
Comment:
The hurt only comes when you
STOP loving. So, don't stop!
Exercise:
Look to see where you've been
hurt in your past or current
relationships. Notice, the hurt
only came when you withheld
your love and approval. It hurt
when you felt disapproval for
them (and/or for yourself).
Practice
reversing this habit of withholding
approval (love) by letting go
of the disapproval. And, instead,
practice giving yourself and
others approval for no reason.
It's the smart thing to do.
Do it for YOU, not for them.
Remember, "holding a grudge
is like taking poison and waiting
for the other person to die."
It's not very smart. And, approving
of the other doesn't make their
behavior right. If they are
off-base in their behavior towards
you, you can certainly tell
them so from a place of love.
This will tend to transform
them, instead of triggering
their habitual reactions, and
will enable you to "speak
your peace" without disturbing
your peace.
*
Many thanks to Caterina Cristakos
for her contribution to this
newsletter.
Let
us know how you make out with
these exercises. Send us your
gains for inclusion in newsletters
and on our Web site: gains@releasetechnique.com.
Here
are some recent gains from graduates
on the subject of relationships:
"I
am able to release my anger
at my girlfriend whenever
she gets angry/jealous about
our relationship. Our relationship
has greatly improved in a
short time."
Jay
Torres, Culver City CA - Salesman
"My
relationship with my children
has greatly improved. I am
able to handle disgruntled
clients without being uptight.
I lost my craving for smoking
and stopped smoking in the
first day of the course."
Thomas
Mitchel, Los Angeles CA -
Investment Advisor
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